I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
