I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
