$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
