The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
