Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
