I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
