My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
