I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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