Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
