***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pooping to opera.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
