I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
