I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
