Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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