i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
