pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
