The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
