we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
