Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
