That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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