She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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