how can u be prego again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
