He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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