there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
