Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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