I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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