So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
