i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
