I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
