For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
