Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
