last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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