If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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