say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
