There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
