Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
soo... how was my night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
