he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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