Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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