Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
