You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
