how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can you bring me the toilet please
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
