How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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