Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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