So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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