I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
