Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
