Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do vagina's smell?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
