There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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