If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
