Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
