how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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