I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
