I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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